2018, Brief Record: The Embrace of Your Self Journey


Here come the last two months of 2018 -whatttttt?
It’s a peaceful Saturday, being a couch potato (finally). Hoping there is no sudden obligation or any kind of self-made issues that ended up makes you feel guilty for taking a rest and busy on updating your Spotify playlist, but I did. It’s like my body knows you are in a relax mode and keeps reminding:

“Hey, you haven’t finished with the 1..and next think about 2..3.. then 4..”

I’m currently thinking a lot about what can happen in the next five years from now. What kind of person I will be? What career that suits me? Did I miss something that should be done earlier?
You realized that it all came from you unexpectedly, who’ve made a hundred of reasons on why this relief and frightened feelings at the same time become matter yet unavoidable. I just constantly thinking about:

“How does it fit and fall together in the first place?”

And all those endless questions like: What are things that people know and I still don’t know?
I would not blame myself for being this ‘thinking’/‘feeling’ type of person. My friend could only let’s just go with the wind and I was like how? How can I miss out the opportunity and not take it all into the account?

All I can say this year has been a major breakthrough since the worst one happened back at the end of 2017. Fffffiuhhh, Time has gone so fast, rapidly changing the person you’ve never been imagined before.

I am not going to write some touchy golden advice. I am sure that many people have reached this phase, even worst. But it surely needs a place to pour into along in this writing.
The highlight is each people have their own capability to understand themselves, at their own level.

It might be the major line on why people have to appreciate and look closely at their journey.
Once that has been my biggest blessing back then was when I started to live on my own in a strange place without knowing many people and finally forced me to a new habit.

What I like about being in a new place is the feeling to start all over again, It’s like you have given a chance to introduce yourself and rebuild a new one. The most blissful yet the exhausting part was you have time to gain deeper about yourself without making anybody into the justifications.
I think the hard step in it was knowing what do you like and what you don’t. For me, it’s like searching for things that we don’t know it exists unless you tried.

It’s like we tend to feel okay to things that we familiar with. I don’t know how toxic I was until I gave myself a chance to learn it. It went through looooong grief for me to know what is worth for me and I tried so hard to be thoughtful in every decision I made. It seems like I’m being too careful but however, I think it’s the best prevention for now while I am still working out to adapt my negative traits and hopefully turn them into the positive ones.

But, do I spend my time working on myself right?

I realized that I can’t do every single thing at the same time. And for a hundred times, I came up with the idea of blessings again.

I remember someone said to me that having a chance to 'choose' is a privilege, which also counted as a new form of blessings to me. I can choose to spend a day with my parents even we only have limited time. I can choose to meet my lovely aunt who’s always here to listen. I can choose to call my best friend and grew up together.

The thing is, you don’t know what and who will disappoint you. Sometimes it’s better not to know the thing that we are afraid someday turns out to be a destruction. But we just can’t live in that way, hiding from the opportunity that means to teach you.
When I go through it, it’s just done…and inevitable.

So, what’s next: Keep being strong and perseverance.
At the same time, being person who always keep up to the next level. Your own story, which only you can determine the best version and standard of yours.

Actually, I can’t wait for another major challenge that life will brings me forward.
If you are reading this, know that we are on the same path and this piece of sh*t made to keeps you reminded.

Just stay, be present. And keep hydrated.
x
x

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